Tuesday, March 19, 2013


hello there ,

i havent posten since 2012 !
And here is a little recap of things !
i am in delhi now , i stayed in bombay for 2 to 3 months ! It was insane and also lonely some times !
Remember i had mentioned someone who was doing the damage control post Mr.Special, well we are friends now and iafter mr.Damage control, i had my set of flings and relationships.

The day i came back from bombay, i met with all my close friends , and had a freaking ball of a time ! and i was flooded with happiness and insane number of memories of that day alone !

my bestie was sleeping over too :D .. but knowing my life or knowing LIFE.. its unexpected... the very next early morning i learnt that i had lost my uncle ( my buas better half) ..and he was one of the sweetest uncles of all times.. Though i know he is peace now with no more drama and no more emotional pain causing physical pain....

My cousins were devastated as hell.. it seemed he was the only thing keeping them going...

i love my brothers all of them.. and seeing my cousins like this... we all suddenly understood each others pain a little better... the pain was mutual and so was the understanding...

As i mentioned about the flings , when i was in bombay i was talking to this beautiful boy who had plans to visit london and even though we would talk a lot , once he got to london and me still in bombay .. things were gone... but we are still friends... and its peacefull and decent...

Though mr.Damage control was in bombay too now by the way ! he was here to pursue his Masters..
We met couple of times but sort of the understanding was missing...
So didnt talk as much....

So when i got to delhi after all that happened , i was back at work ... travelling , fashion weeks , meeting friends , new people... Meeting my cousins a lot more... now both the families felt the pain and and the mere silence of the topic of their loss and ours was this beautiful understanding... That yes, i know how it feels... yes,things will get better...

During all this , my search for love was on and at my close friends birthday i met this person whose existence i knew from years ago but didnt pay much attention too.. was awesome !
We both were equally weird and enjoyed each others weirdness like anything... Some where i knew i was falling for him ...
He was that part of my life that made me so happy and so chirpy and soo nice and so loved and everything else awesome...

I dont know if you ever noticed in my wish list or things that made me happy.. i never mentioned my current job as one of them, infact that was the part i despised the most.. even though my job is surrounded by awesome people but its the work thats not awesome to me....And every day i would come back home to his arms and his warmth...

But ..

its been more than two weeks since i have spoken to him, it was his birthday this sunday, i didnt wish him...i just couldnt.. i was in manali few hours before his birthday with  my best friend for a week , had a beautiful peaceful time ... and a week before that was norah jones concert when i last spoke to him and i told that i was falling in love with him and he said he didnt want a relationship with me or anyone... He said i was the most amazing thing that ever happened to him and he wants us to be friends since he is an asshole and not fit for a relationship.( he said that about himself )

He said , i am sorry that my pace of falling in love was not as same as yours.

He was right...

and after that very conversation, i stoped crying . i just stoped.. The 10 to 12 days after our mutual break up , where i spent every night and day crying.. reason ? dont kniw why ?

That very conversation made me stop. i stopped crying.My love faded within hours.

Norah took over my mind, manali took over my mind , am off facebook ..

I AM QUITTING MY JOB, and all those things i wrote in 2011 and repeated in 2012 .. finally ill do them,

i am going to be home april onwards , i am getting my screen printing machine, my speakers, my desktop, i set up the two film posters in my room.. i have made space in my room for the things ill need... i have yet to get the tracing table.. i finally travelled for leisure and i am still getting the things i love.. now, i will be doing all those things i wrote about.

i hope to keep in touch with all of you.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

A new begining

hey you !

So its been 14 days since i have been staying in a new location.
I am in bombay folks !
And even though i am here for work, it almost seems as if i have shifted except that everything comes with the a price ! Quite literally...
I am in Bombay for work, Since we are opening our 2nd store , so i have been sent to set the place up for good.
The launch is going to happen, the store would be open , clients would be pouring in , and well just a lot of work.

So i am staying at an apartment with 2 girls, ones in delhi at the moment and my other roomate currently staying with me is from Hyderabad but well the Hyderabad one is leaving for her home town. So today i would be by myself till late night.
I have never lived alone away from my family in different city and its pretty intresting. In Delhi i wouldnt get time to indulge in any physical exercise besides the occasional skipping but that wouldnt have taken me any where near to the results i was looking for.
So here in bombay, from day 2 i have been going jog-walks every evening for a minimum 1 hour.
Its been interesting cause i would go down to joggers park and the ocean is right next to it and it feels awesome when you are running in the heat and the cool breeze welcomes you every time you take a step ahead.
The usual question has been, how do I like Bombay ?
And I say its nice… I love the ocean and I love the roads here and of course the weather which is any day better than what delhi is upto right now.
Besides that when you are living independently you are entitled to a certain kind of freedom you desire to have once a while when your living with your family.
So I exploited that freedom for a few days and then you come on the terms on your own.. Forming that balance is what I am talking about.
I have become more conscious about my choices , lets say cause of the budget issues for one so cant have a chilled out lifestyle as it was in delhi , plus when you are getting into a new thing all together then you might as well include things you wanted to as all this while.
I do miss delhi but I am pretty happy here J .
There are so so so so many cats,crows here, just so you know…. :p
Watching satyamev jayate , and eventually will go for brunch.
Going to have a lazy Sunday J.

Monday, February 27, 2012

howdy !

hey hey hey hey

so going to make a list of things i want to do and things that make me happy.. and yes these two things are interlinked.

  1. Draw,paint,scrible,freakout through diff mediums more often.
  2. Jam with bhanu more often and finish guitar lessons from him ( or actually start to actually finish it).
  3. Save a LIL every month to accommodate things i want or save a little for the future and spend the rest on the things i want.. which i do but it goes all on food. FAIL.
  4. Have half of my bed in my room. Single occupancy only.
  5. Fix the wall.
  6. Once the wall is fixed, paint one wall in sunny yellow.
  7. Get a tracing table.
  8. Get the screen printing table, with silk screen, kerosene paints, all those little things you require for a soulful time of screen painting.
  9. A decent music system with awesome bass and awesome sound !
  10. Better lighting.
  11. Get a wal board to pin up all the work.
  12. A wooden cabin,desk for keeping the art files, portfolios.
  13. A full length mirror in the right place.
  14. Rearrange all the furniture in my room.
  15. Get to gyming.
  16. Take a bath everyday.
  17. Get back to photography and try different mediums to be more creative with it.
  18. BUY A MAC for myself. Epic TOUGH.
  19. Have a relaxing sunday instead of running around.
  21. watch a movie or 2 or 3 or 4 or even 7 every week.
  22. Buy cds than downloading, like i did for ADVAITA :D. i bought 2 !!! and for cold play .. next i want to pick up norah jones, radio head.
  23. Ofcourse eat the most insane food on this planet ! :D
  24. SPAND TAIME WITH FRANDS. also very very very important .

Thursday, December 1, 2011

midnight shivers

There comes a time when, you stop for a second before going of to sleep and be grateful for all those things we have and had.
In the next second we mourn. Something we lost. And you let it out and you let it out and you let it out.
After a round of emotional exhaustion,writing in your journal after 10 months and inform her in 8 sentences in pointers about the significant things that went by.
And when you read the pages of the past before you write a new one you realize that going by situation one was very strong and focused.
I learnt from my the past entries that during all the chaos i was focused in a certain way regarding certain things.
Every day there is this moment when i rewind certain things in my head and i it feels like a big fat prank.
Sleepless nights, and very sleep nights. Sleepless with the thought of it, very tiring from all that emotional exhaustion.
His birthday is on monday and all i can think is how i use to look forward to december , it was my brothers birthday on 1st, 5th his, and 14th moms. It meant like a party month , cause every 4 days we were going to dine outside or have some insane food. As growing up in our family meant being obsessed with food or grow up to be a big time foodie. So birthdays was an excuse for an outing or indulging in food like anything. I use to be so excited on all the birthdays.. decorating to card making to gift picking.
I use to get my pocket money from dad and i use to buy him the gift from that. :\ . eheehe .
He made a file of all birthday cards we gave him. It was the sweetest thing of him to do.
I miss him dearly.

its really cold, isnt it ?

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Lady gaga, SRK & new found love

hello all,
so in brief, i got to meet Lady Gaga and Shahrukh Khan at the same place for a good one hour and a half.
And it was such a happy moment for me.
When Jay sean came down for his concert , Me and my cousin went for the concert and we made sure we would be in the front to get a one on one glimpse of him.. and enjoy his performance thoroughly !
And so we did, but after 2 hours of waiting and 1 hour of pushing when he arrived, me and my cousin promised each other that if Lady GaGA was to come down to Delhi or even Enrique or Pitbull or any one else we like we would get the vip tickets and enjoy their company for good !
And so when i heard of Gaga, there was a contest being done Ht city " Meet Lady gaga contest "and it was pretty rigged man !
There rules cleary suggested that no boy under the age of 18 was allowed to participate but there 2 to 3 kids freaking under age ! And yes i didnt get selected but also those entries were balls !
So that not working i thought of making my way through the F1 party and see her perform , Cause when will she come down to INdia again MAN !
So a very good friend of mine happens to know a lot of these event people, So i asked him about it and turns out he could probably pull a few strings to get me in but it would be awfully difficult to do so , so it was dicey !
So then in all my 1 week of gaga obsession where i was listening , breathing and watching her videos to puttting up status of her, turns out the Universe ( YES i read the secret, and i belv in it)  heard my prayers, and i got a call form a friend who randomly asked me if i wanted to meet gaga and thinking he was refering to the F1 Party i said yeah man, But i am trying to arrange a pass for myself( CAUSE I DONT HAVE 40 GRAND TO PARTY) .. But it turns out shes calling 20 such persons who are gaga fans and would genuinely like to meet mother monster and then when i started to scream and yell out of happiness that i am going to meet LADY GAGA for 4 fucking hours straight !!! WTF ! AHAHHAHAHAHHHA amazing !
And it turns out later she needs one more person who else is a GAGA fan too, so i asked my brother( real) and it seemed he was pretty eager to see her too.. but i wanted my little cousin to be with me too since that was our pact ! and so i offered her , if she needed ttrue gaga fans like more of me then she should ask me for sure...
AND the UNIVERSE  hears my prayers again !!! And so i managed to get my cousin, and another gaga fan/friend.
But there was this one Mega Gaga fan who read our statuses and would do anything in the world to meet gaga.. He himself has been trying everything to get to meet her... or see her or someting. After  24 hours of requesting , pleading , begging something happened and he was with us at the venue of her Arrival.
LG was to be interviewed by Shahrukh khan and thats where i flipped and i couldnt stop jumping !
My mom said it was too good to be true ! hah ! thanks mom !
But they came, they both did and it was super effing awesome.. and oh my god, Shahrukh khan is the most cute and hot looking guy ever. He is smart and his eyes are just mmmmmmmmmm.

In that hour and a half of talking and sitting on the fucking front couch making eye contact with the both of em in such a way that as if me and the girl next to me were the only ones in the room.

But i def have a new found respect for SRK, before leaving he met each and every person in the room with a hand shake and a hug ( but i got a kiss on the cheek)
Lady gaga saying shell do wht ever for her little monsters and Srk actually doing it made the difference in a newly born icon and an evolving icon like SRK.

oooo boy..

wait till the video comes out..

sweet shizle.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

So Many directions

i have been wearing my heart on my sleeve and that can cause so many problems.
I realized that my heart has actually gone bonkers and it refuses to calm down and leaves no stone moved..
i realized how much i was dependent and i continue to depend on individuals,bonds that cause the ruckus.

oh when will it calm down and just stay inside where it needs to and not jump from building to building.
Cause i have no idea what is it searching for....

no idea..

Monday, October 10, 2011

Drilling machine

Yesterday morning i decided to go down the animal shelter and do so some volunteer work, see the little things there. i have always loved dogs and cats and the new ones i get to see at shelter but some ow i never run out of love for any one of them at any point of time.
after spend an hour there while leaving i saw this little 25 days old kitten inside the box sleeping with another b;ack kitten of the same age.
At first i wasnt sure whether it was an empty box or am i hallucinating, but after inquiry it was confirmed that there were tiny little kitten who had a third sister but got adopted.
Out of these 2 one he picked up was alive and the other was found breathless hence a good bye.
I held the one which survived and while playing with i randomly asked the procedure for adoption, within the next half hour she was mine.
I adopted a baby kitten.
I was so happy, and she wuld continue to meow at me at all times.. i got her back to my cousins, who also loves his pets and would do anything for them..  and so we both began to obsess over the little thing.
The next 2 hour with her were amazing, she did what cats would do when they feel love , she slept on me she played with me , my lil cousin , me and baby kitten had a ball.
Then came the announcement of the adoption, i was lying on the sofa  while Zaara ( yes thats what we named her ) had snuggled next to my neck under my hair and she slept of there..
Entry by person 1 , person 2 , person 3 , person 4  , person 5 and mom and no one seemed to notice the coiled up animal on my neck. Moat of them thought that was my hair,
My lil cousin and i coudnt stop gigling at the sight of  all this.
Like how could yo not see it. ut i cant blame em , Zaara = tiny.
And so i took out zaara from the neck and showed it to mom and my mom freaked out jumped and ran to the other end she coudnt figure what was it.
After much haa-hee and speculation , she got her name , Zaara.
She was a black kitten with grey/black eyes and she was beautiful.. Every one could see she would grow up to be a beautiful cat.
But thats where it stpped.. after my brothers left for work ,, i got a cal from one of em asking me to return tthe kitten and take a dog insteead, since it wud make more sense as we always planned foor a dog nt cat and it wud be more mother friendly etc and whole lot of convincing to return the kitty.
I tookk her because i thought maybe she needed me , she got no sisters or parents and its an awful feeling to be in. . so small she is.. and i wanted to be her family..
So i decided that i wnt return her fro sure but went back to the shelter in any case to see for the pup and to buy a nice house for zaara.
zaara pooped on me for the first time and the 2nd and the 3 rd . it felt just fine. :)
And then i saw something awfully sad,  a young boy( my age) his mother and their dog . The dog on the table and the both of them around it out side the vvet.
They had come down to say tier last good byes.. and the boy couldnt stop crying. It broke my heart to see him like tbecause i would have been howling if it was to be me in his shoes. The dog must have bbeen i pain and so they were brining him to peace by saying bye for good..
we ended up buying her home , with a pink bell on her door and my cousin with his efforts made it the most pretty house for a little black cat to have.
everything was great.. like zaara was sleeping on me when i got home and it was so darn amazing and i felt so connected to her.. i slept next to her while she was sleeping in her litle house.. i amde sure she was comfortbale.. and she seemed fine.. I went of to sleep and got up at 4:30 in the morning to give her some water .. she seemed fine and sleepy so put her ack to bed . The time when i got her from the shelter to the time she was with me. every time she would sleep i wud put my hand on her to check if she was breating.. i was rlly scared..
So next i woke up at 830 in the morning feeling i should probably check on her and make her sleep next to me in person or feed her.
I opened the door and saw her away from the teddy but in the middle if the her home and she wasnt moving. i checked her heart beat and it was gone.
i sat there , staring at the box. completely blank. just the way i am right now. blank, empty. blank, empty.
i sat there for 10 mins. rapped zaara in the cloth she was sleeping on. let her be there.
No one was awake at home then, i went out walked for few seconds and felt saying good bye was the thing to do.
Though from realizing that she had gone to the time i was burring the grave for her., i couldnt stop thinking as to why did this happen and what could have i done wrong that she simply left.
We spent the entire day together were she wuldnt stop purring and i am as blanka nd emotionless i can be .
I dug her grve put her there safely and wrapped her up and finished the business and got back home.
Took her house put in the my room and continued to follow my as normal as it was.

when i reached offic, my left arm wouldnt stop shaking and ever since i saw her like that i feel blank,empty and muted.

Zaara, i feel as if some one got a drilling machine and piered it through my heart. 
I cannot explain the feeling i am in but i fell in love with you the moment i saw you.
Rest in peace
Aju and i love you