what happened.

Hey,
so i am sure all of you go through a lot things, a lot of changes.
These changes can be either in the surroundings or you. Right ?
so basically i have felt a change. This change makes me not want to give a damn as much as i use to .
Problem i am less compassionate for the things i use to believe in and thing i use to do.
Reason, i think i have lost intrest or faith.
Solution dont know yet.
So the deal is there have been times that i started somthing and i didnt finish it.
But this time i wanted to and i put everything into it.
But i couldn't finish it. So recently i started a group to promote a certain thing and it was nice.. i loved doing it.. and i had a partner involved in it.. but shes fully in it and doing every thing to take it ahead and i am as in-compassionate as i can get. My love for the things i use to love is changing and i am not ok with it.
i look at my fingers and thats not me.
i look at my clothes.. its not me.
i look at my actions and its not me.
But then is this life meant for us to get to know our selves better ?
For a girl who would go on rescue walks with her foreign neighbor and her son to abandoned farms and lands to bring back sick puppies to randomly stopping in the middle of the road to save another pup to pushing a van with her soul sisters out of pit to the road to a girl bleeding her heart out in a scene enactment to a girl who went to any exetent for her besties to a girl who would travel in any mode of transport to just get through the day.. to the girl who was her self... going to a girl whose nails are hot red now, to a girl who prefers metros and cars only for her mode of trasport, to a girl who doesnt go out for walks any more in the wild to girl who wants to play foot ball but worries her hair will get spoiled , to a girl who is another girl in a making..
its really weird and weird and weird .
i see some one who is doing everything he can to make it work , and take a cetain thing to whole different level. He is sooo passionate about what he does and wants to do and where he wants to be.
Though he older than me but this kind of focus can either be inspiring for others or sad..
Specially when you know you havent found your calling..
I hope to keep that little girl who was there a year ago who i was so fond off , whose loniless had grown on me and i liked the alone time and the sadness that revolved.. that seemed like a one on one time for me with me.
I do wonder ,
Question : if i was still as crazy as i was then how wud my life be ?
Answer : I would be happier, i would have completed what i had started. I would be doing something i wanted to know. And i wouldnt be lying to myself right now or others that yes this is what i wanted.
I would have had some clear understanding though because that clear understanding would have been much better than this blurr.

I remember discussing my plans with daddy and we decided to finish what we started and do what i wanted.
But he left without finishing any of this.
He left too soon. I wish he was still here and i would have almost made it to the finishing of something we started .